Debt in the Bedroom: Survey Shows 32% of Student Loan Borrowers Report Decreased Libido

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Our team at Student Loan Hero works hard to find and recommend products and services that we believe are of high quality and will make a positive impact in your life. We sometimes earn a sales commission or advertising fee when recommending various products and services to you. Similar to when you are being sold any product or service, be sure to read the fine print understand what you are buying, and consult a licensed professional if you have any concerns. Student Loan Hero is not a lender or investment advisor. We are not involved in the loan approval or investment process, nor do we make credit or investment related decisions. The rates and terms listed on our website are estimates and are subject to change at any time. Please do your homework and let us know if you have any questions or concerns.

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Have you ever worried what your student loan debt might do to your future or current relationship? It’s not unusual for money to throw a wrench in a couple’s future plans, but just how big of a problem is it?

We wanted to find out, so we asked more than 1,000 borrowers about their experiences with student loan debt and relationships. Here’s what we learned.

Relationships and student loans: key findings from our survey

One of the biggest hurdles of serious relationships is trying to get two individuals on the same page on nearly every important topic under the sun. Inevitably, clashes happen.

But is student loan debt the barrier to relationships we seem to think it is? Maybe not.

Most couples work on student loan debt together

More than 43 percent of survey respondents said they fight about money with their partners at least “somewhat often.” Given the fact that debt is a large source of stress among individuals, it’s no surprise that it can lead to strain for couples.

Unfortunately, a money-avoidance pattern arises due to this stress:

  • More than one-third (36 percent) of respondents admitted to having lied to a partner about money.
  • What’s more, 24 percent have kept their student loans a secret from their partner.
  • And 18 percent said it’s okay to lie to a partner about money.

On the positive side, being open and honest about student loan debt has helped some couples work together:

  • Partners are jumping in, with 55 percent saying their partners helped out in making debt payments.
  • They’re also working together on their finances, with 39 percent saying they pool their money into one main account.
  • And still another 29 percent said they have both joint and separate accounts.

Couples report a decrease in their sex drive due to debt

But even working together on student loan debt can take a toll. After all, federal student loan repayment plans can last anywhere from 10 to 30 years. Even if you pay off your debt early, you could be in for a long haul.

The stress brought on by this kind of debt can take a toll on mental health. And one victim of that toll could be your libido. Approximately one-third of respondents claimed to have experienced a decrease in their sex drive due to student loan debt.

Student loan debt isn’t the biggest financial deal breaker

As in my case, many people carrying student debt fear that their loans could singlehandedly destroy their relationship. The results of this survey, however, show something quite different.

More than one-third of respondents said that when it comes to deciding whether to get serious with someone, how they handle their debt could be a deal breaker. Less than one-quarter said having a high amount of debt would be a deal breaker.

Perhaps even more encouraging, only 29 percent said the most appealing trait in a potential partner’s financial health is “zero student loan debt.” Compare that to the 72 percent who said the ability to budget properly was the most appealing financial trait.

As for other financial factors that student loan borrowers found appealing:

  • Having a high credit score came in second place with 53 percent of the vote.
  • Holding a retirement account came in third with 40 percent of the vote.

All of this points to a desire to see a strong financial foundation — and how having a plan for the future can be far more important to potential partners than not having debt today.

financial health and student debt

But student loans are, in fact, delaying major relationship milestones

It’s important to mention that, although student loan debt isn’t necessarily a ruiner of relationships, it can cause a delay in major life and relationship milestones.

One-quarter of respondents put off moving in with a partner because of student loan debt. Another 35 percent delayed “the marriage talk.” And 46 percent delayed starting a family.

student debt delays life goals

How to overcome the challenges of student debt together

So what can you do with these findings? Know that, although student loan debt can strain you, your love life doesn’t have to suffer for it. Instead, show that you have a plan of action for the debt — that way your partner (or future partner) can feel encouraged that the situation is under control.

Here are a few tips from marriage and couples counselors to help.

Reframe the situation

To start, banish the emotions that can so often come with student loan debt, such as feeling burdened, frustrated, angry, scared, or ashamed. Know that having debt does not make you a failure — and delaying certain life milestones might not be so bad.

Erin Wiley, a licensed professional clinical counselor, explained how you and your partner can find the positive in your situation:

“Instead of bemoaning not being able to buy a home yet, or start trying for a baby, celebrate the freedom of not having to mow your lawn or fix your gutters, and of being able to go out with friends at a moment’s notice. … Enjoy the time you have without commitments like a house and kids, and embrace the freedom it gives you.”

Be open, honest, and vulnerable

If you haven’t told your partner about your debt, and the relationship is getting serious, now’s the time to put your cards on the table. Financial behaviorist Jacquette Timmons encourages leaning into the vulnerability of that first financial talk:

“The goal with these types of conversations shouldn’t be to avoid the fear and awkwardness that comes with it. That’s natural! It goes with the territory of being vulnerable — whether you’re the person initiating the conversation or not.”

But she also mentions why you should be confident about your ability to resolve the debt:

“Even if you feel bad about your debt, you don’t need to defend yourself. I think that is a mistake that too many people make when it comes to sharing information that doesn’t shine the most positive light on them, or about which they feel self-conscious.”

That said, if you’re still too worried about sharing the truth about your debt, understand the gravity of not doing so if you’re planning a life together. Shawna Young, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said that it’s critical for couples to have an open-door policy when it comes to finances:

“Financial infidelity can lead to mistrust and be as harmful as physical or emotional infidelity. Therefore, an honest and open policy is of the utmost importance in a relationship, especially a marital relationship.”

Seek help together if you’re feeling overwhelmed

Let’s say you had the talk, or have been having the talk over and over again, and you’re just not getting anywhere. It might be time to look for help.

One way to get help is to talk to a marriage or couples counselor. Wiley explained why doing so sooner rather than later is best:

“Most therapists agree: Couples usually show up in counseling about seven years too late for the state their marriage is in. If you’re struggling, don’t wait — get help now.”

Besides a marriage counselor, you can also seek out a qualified financial planner to work out a road map for your money. Once you have a direction and steps to follow, it’s a lot easier to turn frustration into empowerment and see real progress as you work together for your future.

Finally, know that being in it together is your best chance of success. Don’t hide in feelings of shame if you have debt, and don’t pass judgment if your partner has debt. Licensed clinical professional counselor Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin emphasized the strength in working as one unit:

“Couples who are committed to making it work can weather even the most challenging of financial times. It’s not always easy, but with the right tools and the desire to make it work, they can stop the stress of debt from torpedoing their marriage.”

Remember, this is just one of many hurdles you’ll have to overcome in your lives together. Learning how to do it with money matters will only strengthen your relationship. Work out a financial plan as a couple, speak honestly about your feelings, and seek help if you need it.

There can be a time when all this is a distant memory and you’ll be able to enjoy the real prize: a happy life together.

Survey Methodology

Student Loan Hero conducted this survey via Survey Monkey on Oct. 8, 2017, and collected responses from 1,011 student loan borrowers living in the United States, with a margin of error of ±3 percentage points. The screening question was, “Do you have student loans?” for which the target answer was “yes.”

Interested in refinancing student loans?

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1 Important Disclosures for Earnest.

Earnest Disclosures

To qualify, you must be a U.S. citizen or possess a 10-year (non-conditional) Permanent Resident Card, reside in a state Earnest lends in, and satisfy our minimum eligibility criteria. You may find more information on loan eligibility here: https://www.earnest.com/eligibility. Not all applicants will be approved for a loan, and not all applicants will qualify for the lowest rate. Approval and interest rate depend on the review of a complete application.

Earnest fixed rate loan rates range from 3.89% APR (with Auto Pay) to 5.87% APR (with Auto Pay). Variable rate loan rates range from 2.47% APR (with Auto Pay) to 5.87% APR (with Auto Pay). For variable rate loans, although the interest rate will vary after you are approved, the interest rate will never exceed 8.95% for loan terms 10 years or less. For loan terms of 10 years to 15 years, the interest rate will never exceed 9.95%. For loan terms over 15 years, the interest rate will never exceed 11.95% (the maximum rates for these loans). Earnest variable interest rate loans are based on a publicly available index, the one month London Interbank Offered Rate (LIBOR). Your rate will be calculated each month by adding a margin between 1.82% and 5.50% to the one month LIBOR. The rate will not increase more than once per month. Earnest rate ranges are current as of Month/Day/Year, and are subject to change based on market conditions and borrower eligibility.

Auto Pay discount: If you make monthly principal and interest payments by an automatic, monthly deduction from a savings or checking account, your rate will be reduced by one quarter of one percent (0.25%) for so long as you continue to make automatic, electronic monthly payments. This benefit is suspended during periods of deferment and forbearance.

The information provided on this page is updated as of 08/21/18. Earnest reserves the right to change, pause, or terminate product offerings at any time without notice. Earnest loans are originated by Earnest Operations LLC. California Finance Lender License 6054788. NMLS # 1204917. Earnest Operations LLC is located at 302 2nd Street, Suite 401N, San Francisco, CA 94107. Terms and Conditions apply. Visit https://www.earnest.com/terms-of-service, email us at hello@earnest.com, or call 888-601-2801 for more information on ourstudent loan refinance product.

© 2018 Earnest LLC. All rights reserved. Earnest LLC and its subsidiaries, including Earnest Operations LLC, are not sponsored by or agencies of the United States of America.


2 Important Disclosures for Laurel Road.

Laurel Road Disclosures

  1. VARIABLE APR – APR is subject to increase after consummation. The variable interest rates are based on a Current Index, which is the 1-month London Interbank Offered Rate (LIBOR) (currency in US dollars), as published on The Wall Street Journal’s website. The variable interest rates and Annual Percentage Rate (APR) will increase or decrease when the 1-month LIBOR index changes.

3 Important Disclosures for SoFi.

SoFi Disclosures

  1. Student loan Refinance: Fixed rates from 3.899% APR to 8.179% APR (with AutoPay). Variable rates from 2.570% APR to 6.980% APR (with AutoPay). Interest rates on variable rate loans are capped at either 8.95% or 9.95% depending on term of loan. SoFi rate ranges are current as of September 14, 2018 and are subject to change without notice. See APR examples and terms. Lowest variable rate of 2.570% APR assumes the current index rate derived from the 1-month LIBOR of 2.08% plus 0.740% margin minus 0.25% AutoPay discount. Not all borrowers receive the lowest rate. If approved for a loan, the fixed or variable interest rate offered will depend on your creditworthiness, and the term of the loan and other factors, and will be within the ranges of rates listed above. For the SoFi variable rate loan, the 1-month LIBOR index will adjust monthly and the loan payment will be re-amortized and may change monthly. APRs for variable rate loans may increase after origination if the LIBOR index increases. The SoFi 0.25% AutoPay interest rate reduction requires you to agree to make monthly principal and interest payments by an automatic monthly deduction from a savings or checking account. The benefit will discontinue and be lost for periods in which you do not pay by automatic deduction from a savings or checking account. *To check the rates and terms you qualify for, SoFi conducts a soft credit inquiry. Unlike hard credit inquiries, soft credit inquiries (or soft credit pulls) do not impact your credit score. Soft credit inquiries allow SoFi to show you what rates and terms SoFi can offer you up front. After seeing your rates, if you choose a product and continue your application, we will request your full credit report from one or more consumer reporting agencies, which is considered a hard credit inquiry. Hard credit inquiries (or hard credit pulls) are required for SoFi to be able to issue you a loan. In addition to requiring your explicit permission, these credit pulls may impact your credit score.
  2. Terms and Conditions Apply. SOFI RESERVES THE RIGHT TO MODIFY OR DISCONTINUE PRODUCTS AND BENEFITS AT ANY TIME WITHOUT NOTICE. To qualify, a borrower must be a U.S. citizen or permanent resident in an eligible state and meet SoFi’s underwriting requirements. Not all borrowers receive the lowest rate. To qualify for the lowest rate, you must have a responsible financial history and meet other conditions. If approved, your actual rate will be within the range of rates listed above and will depend on a variety of factors, including term of loan, a responsible financial history, years of experience, income and other factors. Rates and Terms are subject to change at anytime without notice and are subject to state restrictions. SoFi refinance loans are private loans and do not have the same repayment options that the federal loan program offers such as Income Based Repayment or Income Contingent Repayment or PAYE. Licensed by the Department of Business Oversight under the California Financing Law License No. 6054612. SoFi loans are originated by SoFi Lending Corp., NMLS # 1121636. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)

4 Important Disclosures for LendKey.

LendKey Disclosures

Refinancing via LendKey.com is only available for applicants with qualified private education loans from an eligible institution. Loans that were used for exam preparation classes, including, but not limited to, loans for LSAT, MCAT, GMAT, and GRE preparation, are not eligible for refinancing with a lender via LendKey.com. If you currently have any of these exam preparation loans, you should not include them in an application to refinance your student loans on this website. Applicants must be either U.S. citizens or Permanent Residents in an eligible state to qualify for a loan. Certain membership requirements (including the opening of a share account and any applicable association fees in connection with membership) may apply in the event that an applicant wishes to accept a loan offer from a credit union lender. Lenders participating on LendKey.com reserve the right to modify or discontinue the products, terms, and benefits offered on this website at any time without notice. LendKey Technologies, Inc. is not affiliated with, nor does it endorse, any educational institution.


5 Important Disclosures for CommonBond.

CommonBond Disclosures

  1. Offered terms are subject to change. Loans are offered by CommonBond Lending, LLC (NMLS # 1175900). The following table displays the estimated monthly payment, total interest, and Annual Percentage Rates (APR) for a $10,000 loan. The Annual Percentage Rate (APR) shown for each in-school loan product reflects the accruing interest, the effect of one-time capitalization of interest at the end of a deferment period, a 2% origination fee, and the applicable Repayment Plan. All loans are eligible for a 0.25% reduction in interest rate by agreeing to automatic payment withdrawals once in repayment, which is reflected in the interest rates and APRs displayed. Variable rates may increase after consummation. All variable rates are based on a 1-month LIBOR assumption of 2.08% effective July 25, 2018.

6 Important Disclosures for Citizens Bank.

Citizens Bank Disclosures

  1. Education Refinance Loan Rate DisclosureVariable rate, based on the one-month London Interbank Offered Rate (“LIBOR”) published in The Wall Street Journal on the twenty-fifth day, or the next business day, of the preceding calendar month. As of August 1, 2018, the one-month LIBOR rate is 2.07%. Variable interest rates range from 2.57%-8.17% (2.57%-8.17% APR) and will fluctuate over the term of the borrower’s loan with changes in the LIBOR rate, and will vary based on applicable terms, level of degree earned and presence of a cosigner. Fixed interest rates range from 3.75%-8.69% (3.75%-8.69% APR) based on applicable terms, level of degree earned and presence of a cosigner. Lowest rates shown require application with a cosigner, are for eligible, creditworthy applicants with a graduate level degree, require a 5-year repayment term and include our Loyalty discount and Automatic Payment discounts of 0.25 percentage points each, as outlined in the Loyalty and Automatic Payment Discount disclosures. The maximum variable rate on the Education Refinance Loan is the greater of 21.00% or Prime Rate plus 9.00%. Subject to additional terms and conditions, and rates are subject to change at any time without notice. Such changes will only apply to applications taken after the effective date of change. Please note: Due to federal regulations, Citizens Bank is required to provide every potential borrower with disclosure information before they apply for a private student loan. The borrower will be presented with an Application Disclosure and an Approval Disclosure within the application process before they accept the terms and conditions of their loan.
  2. Federal Loan vs. Private Loan Benefits: Some federal student loans include unique benefits that the borrower may not receive with a private student loan, some of which we do not offer with the Education Refinance Loan. Borrowers should carefully review their current benefits, especially if they work in public service, are in the military, are currently on or considering income based repayment options or are concerned about a steady source of future income and would want to lower their payments at some time in the future. When the borrower refinances, they waive any current and potential future benefits of their federal loans and replace those with the benefits of the Education Refinance Loan. For more information about federal student loan benefits and federal loan consolidation, visit http://studentaid.ed.gov/. We also have several resources available to help the borrower make a decision at http://www.citizensbank.com/EdRefinance, including Should I Refinance My Student Loans? and our FAQs. Should I Refinance My Student Loans? includes a comparison of federal and private student loan benefits that we encourage the borrower to review.
  3. Citizens Bank Education Refinance Loan Eligibility: Eligible applicants may not be currently enrolled, must be in repayment of their existing student loan(s) and must make the minimum number of payments after leaving school. Primary borrowers must be a U.S. citizen, permanent resident or resident alien with a valid U.S. Social Security Number residing in the United States. Resident aliens must apply with a co-signer who is a U.S. citizen or permanent resident. The co-signer (if applicable) must be a U.S. citizen or permanent resident with a valid U.S. Social Security Number residing in the United States. For applicants who have not attained the age of majority in their state of residence, a co-signer will be required. Citizens Bank reserves the right to modify eligibility criteria at anytime. Interest rate ranges subject to change. Education Refinance Loans are subject to credit qualification, completion of a loan application/consumer credit agreement, verification of application information, certification of borrower’s student loan amount(s) and highest degree earned.
  4. Loyalty Discount Disclosure: The borrower will be eligible for a 0.25 percentage point interest rate reduction on their loan if the borrower or their co-signer (if applicable) has a qualifying account in existence with us at the time the borrower and their co-signer (if applicable) have submitted a completed application authorizing us to review their credit request for the loan. The following are qualifying accounts: any checking account, savings account, money market account, certificate of deposit, automobile loan, home equity loan, home equity line of credit, mortgage, credit card account, or other student loans owned by Citizens Bank, N.A. Please note, our checking and savings account options are only available in the following states: CT, DE, MA, MI, NH, NJ, NY, OH, PA, RI, and VT and some products may have an associated cost. This discount will be reflected in the interest rate disclosed in the Loan Approval Disclosure that will be provided to the borrower once the loan is approved. Limit of one Loyalty Discount per loan and discount will not be applied to prior loans. The Loyalty Discount will remain in effect for the life of the loan.
  5. Automatic Payment Discount Disclosure: Borrowers will be eligible to receive a 0.25 percentage point interest rate reduction on their student loans owned by Citizens Bank, N.A. during such time as payments are required to be made and our loan servicer is authorized to automatically deduct payments each month from any bank account the borrower designates. Discount is not available when payments are not due, such as during forbearance. If our loan servicer is unable to successfully withdraw the automatic deductions from the designated account three or more times within any 12-month period, the borrower will no longer be eligible for this discount.
  6. Co-signer Release: Borrowers may apply for co-signer release after making 36 consecutive on-time payments of principal and interest. For the purpose of the application for co-signer release, on-time payments are defined as payments received within 15 days of the due date. Interest only payments do not qualify. The borrower must meet certain credit and eligibility guidelines when applying for the co-signer release. Borrowers must complete an application for release and provide income verification documents as part of the review. Borrowers who use deferment or forbearance will need to make 36 consecutive on-time payments after reentering repayment to qualify for release. The borrower applying for co-signer release must be a U.S. citizen or permanent resident. If an application for co-signer release is denied, the borrower may not reapply for co-signer release until at least one year from the date the application for co-signer release was received. Terms and conditions apply.
  7. Estimated average savings amount is based on 14,659 Education Refinance Loan customers who saved on loans between August 1, 2017 and July 31, 2018. The calculation is derived by averaging monthly savings across Education Refinance Loan customers whose payment amounts decreased after refinancing, calculated by taking the monthly payment prior to refinancing minus the monthly payment after refinancing. We excluded monthly savings from customers that exceeded $4,375 and were lower than $20 to minimize risk of data error skewing the savings amounts. Savings will vary based on interest rates, balances and remaining repayment term of loans to be refinanced. Borrower’s overall repayment amount may be higher than the loans they are refinancing even if monthly payments are lower.

2.57% – 6.98%3Undergrad
& Graduate
Visit SoFi
2.47% – 5.87%1Undergrad
& Graduate
Visit Earnest
2.80% – 6.22%2Undergrad
& Graduate
Visit Laurel Road
2.51% – 8.03%4Undergrad
& Graduate
Visit Lendkey
2.48% – 6.25%5Undergrad
& Graduate
Visit CommonBond
2.57% – 8.17%6Undergrad
& Graduate
Visit Citizens
Our team at Student Loan Hero works hard to find and recommend products and services that we believe are of high quality and will make a positive impact in your life. We sometimes earn a sales commission or advertising fee when recommending various products and services to you. Similar to when you are being sold any product or service, be sure to read the fine print understand what you are buying, and consult a licensed professional if you have any concerns. Student Loan Hero is not a lender or investment advisor. We are not involved in the loan approval or investment process, nor do we make credit or investment related decisions. The rates and terms listed on our website are estimates and are subject to change at any time. Please do your homework and let us know if you have any questions or concerns.